There’s a new dating
technique Millennials have picked up on. It’s called the “let’s end this before
it gets started” method, and it’s really catching on.
Most likely generated
from a dating culture bathed in social media and Tinder, it’s become as popular
and widely used as the equally popular no-text-back response.
We’re meeting at a
rapid rate and dropping at each other accordingly. We’re giving out our numbers
and taking them back just as fast. We’re constantly connecting and
then disconnecting.
Seriously, it’s
totally different than anything we ever expected from the adult relationships
we envisioned. In all our preconceived notions, it went logically: Exchange
numbers, set up a date, have that date and then go home, have another date,
have a few more dates… and then either get together or break up.
Pretty simple. Now,
however, it goes something a little less narrow and a little more cyclical:
Exchange numbers, set up a date, cancel date — or maybe: Don’t exchange
numbers, meet on Tinder, have sex, exchange numbers, never call.
Because what’s a
canceled date (or a never-planned one) when you have plenty of others in the
future?
But do you? What’s the
rate of exchange on these things? I’m starting to believe that just because
we’re giving our numbers out at an unprecedented rate, the number of us backing
away before anything gets remotely close to looking like a date, or any type of
scenario where one person could get hurt, is even larger.
But why? Where did all
of this backing away come from? When did we become a generation without any
follow-through?
When did we start
giving up midway through solely because we’d rather go back home than see what
could be waiting for us on the other side? When did we stop wanting to play and
start becoming those kids standing on the sidelines?
I think somewhere
between high school and real life, we were hurt a few times — somewhere along
the way we became less bold, less confident and less ballsy.
Somewhere along the
way we decided it’s easier to push people away than giving them a chance
is.
Because we’re
scared
It’s easier to sleep
at night knowing you drove them away instead of the other way around. It’s
easier to say that you were the one who ended it. It’s easier to hurt
someone before that person gets a chance to hurt you.
But is it better to be alone
and miss out on opportunities, or is it better to risk a little pain?
Being alone is only one possible result of being with someone, yet
pushing that person away ensures that it will happen every time.
So why are you jumping
the gun?
Because it’s never
the right time
When is the right
time to get to close with someone? When is the ideal time to begin a
relationship? Newsflash: There is no right time to fall for someone.
It happens or it
doesn’t. It doesn’t happen when you’re financially ready or when you’re
emotionally stable. It doesn’t happen when you’ve decided it’s time or when
everything is in order. It happens when you’re not ready. It happens when your
life is in chaos and you’re a mess.
It happens at just the
right time, even if you can’t see that.
Because we think
they’re too good for us
Assuming someone is
too good for you is like taking your heart out of your chest and giving it
away on a silver platter. Why the hell are you doing that? Why are you
giving away all the power?
Everyone is equal,
especially in love. Just because she might be the best-looking girl you’ve been
with or he’s the hottest guy you know doesn’t mean anyone deserves your
fear.
Pushing people away because
you’re scared they’re going to trample all over you is like retreating before
the war has even begun.
Because we think
we’re too good for them
The opinion of friends
and strangers has become a valid one in the new dating culture we’ve created.
We have secret sex, secret relationships and secret breakups because we think
we’re better off that way.
When it comes to love,
however, there is no such thing. If that person makes you happy, or could make
you happy, then how is he or she not the best person you know?
You’re never better
than anyone, yet acting like you are definitely puts you in a category all
alone.
Because we saw that
one thing (and we can’t get over it)
Whether it was that
small twitch in his eye or that less than perfect laugh she has, it may as well
be a tendency to murder or a very obvious and disturbing obsession with clowns,
because we’re out of there.
Whether it’s something
insignificant or something less-than-insignificant, we like to find something
that gives us reason to back away.
Because we’re all
looking for perfection… and that’s totally unfeasible.
Unknown
Wednesday, November 26, 2014